LIES MEN TELL WOMEN

Number 10

No, you don't look fat

The following situation is familiar to most guys in relationships: You and your girlfriend are preparing for a night out and, as you wait for her to finish up, she comes out of the bedroom and asks, "Do I look fat in this?"

The best answer I have come up with is, "No, of course you don't look fat," followed by "you're beautiful" or other flattering comments.

Other than ignoring your girlfriend's question, this is the only way to come out of the situation unscathed; your other answers will be twisted into something you didn't mean and door slamming will likely ensue. Whether or not she actually is giving Shamu a run for his money is irrelevant -- she feels chunky and your mission is to put her fears to rest.

Number 9

I don't enjoy going to strip joints

Strip joints, like pornographic movies, appeal to our most primal instincts of sex, which few men (if any) can ignore. It's simply a shame that our girlfriends can't accept that we like seeing beautiful women dancing naked on stage.

Despite this logic, the lie still propagates in relationships because it reassures your woman that there is no one else in the world worth fantasizing about. However, in reality, it's natural for us to enjoy this genre of entertainment, just as your girlfriend wouldn't admit to watching soap operas for the handsome men and romantic sex scenes.

Number 8

We'll talk about it later

This little phrase helps most of us end an argument or potential squabble. In most cases, we really don't want to "talk about it later," we never want to talk about it. Putting off the possibility of a blowup gives us some time to underline the uselessness of arguing over something so minute.

Although it's a potent tool in your arsenal, make sure not to use it too often, or else its underlying motives will become apparent.

Number 7

You remind me of Jennifer Lopez

The ultimate compliment to a woman can also be your biggest lie. Comparing her to an incredibly beautiful movie star may raise her self-confidence, but let's face it; is she really that hot? Congrats to you if she is, but most of us cannot claim that big a prize.

Our women are beautiful, but stretching the truth may actually do more harm than good in certain cases. It's all about timing -- don't lay it on too thick and you'll be getting breakfast in bed in no time.

Number 6

I love your cooking

Since some women can't make toast without a recipe book, there has to be an "out" for guys who get stuck with the culinarily challenged. Your best bet is to grin and bear it. Hey, at least she's cooking for you.

However, if you have to ingest antacids by the truckload, perhaps you should start offering to help out with dinner. Otherwise, you may end up having to eat blackened food for years to come.