What Is Bullying?
Bullying is a form of aggressive
behavior that is intentional, hurtful, (physical and psychological),
and/or threatening and persistent (repeated). There is an imbalance of
strength (power and dominance).
The above definition includes the following criteria that will help you determine if a student is being bullied:
- The mistreatment must be intentional.
- The mistreatment must be hurtful (physical or psychological).
- The mistreatment is threatening. The individual fears harms. Fear their safety.
- The mistreatment must occur more than once. However, some
disagree with this. They say one very hurtful event is enough to label
it bullying.
What Does Bullying Look Like?
Direct Bullying Behaviors
Physical Bullying (a few examples)
- Hitting, slapping, elbowing, shouldering (slamming someone with your shoulder)
- Shoving in a hurtful or embarrassing way
- Kicking
- Taking, stealing, damaging or defacing belongings or other property
- Restraining
- Pinching
- Flushing someone’s head in the toilet
- Cramming someone into his or her locke
Verbal Bullying (a few examples)
- Name-calling
- Insulting remarks and put-downs
- Repeated teasing
- Racist remarks or other harassment
- Threats and intimidation
- Whispering behind someone’s back
Indirect Bullying Behaviors
Social/Relational (a few examples)
- Destroying and manipulating relationships (turning your best friend against you)
- Destroying status within a peer group
- Destroying reputations
- Humiliation and embarrassment
- Intimidation
- Gossiping, spreading nasty and malicious rumors and lies about someone
- Hurtful graffiti
- Excluding someone from a group (social rejection or isolation)
- Stealing boyfriends or girlfriends to hurt someone
- Negative body language (facial expressions, turning your back to someone)
- Threatening gestures, taunting, pestering, insulting remarks and gestures
- Glares and dirty looks, nasty jokes, notes passed around, anonymous notes
- Hate petitions (promising to hate someone)
Other Bullying Behaviors
- Cyber bullying: negative text messages on cell phones, e-mail, or voice-mail messages, Web pages, and so on Direct and indirect forms of bullying often occur together. All of these behaviors can be interrelated.
What are the Warning Signs that a Child is Being Bullied?
- Sudden decrease in school attendance or skipping certain classes
- Decline in quality of academic performance
- Difficulty concentrating in class and easily distracted
- Wants to take a different route to school or different transportation to school
- Sudden lack of interest in school-sponsored activities and events
- Seems happy on weekends but unhappy and preoccupied or tense on Sundays
- Uses “victim” body language: hunches shoulders, hangs head, will not look people in the eye, and backs off from others
- Suddenly prefers the company of adults
- Frequent illness or fakes illness (headaches, stomachaches, pains)
- Nightmares and insomnia
- Comes home with unexplainable scratches and bruises
- Suddenly develops a stammer or stutter
- Angry, irritable, disruptive, aggressive, quick-tempered, and fights back (but always loses)
- Cautious, clingy, nervous, anxious, worried, fearful, and insecure
- Overly concerned about personal safety; spends a lot of time and
effort thinking or worrying about getting safely to and from school
and getting around in the school (to and from lunch, to and from recess,
to and from the bathroom, to and from the lockers); wants to stay in at
night and prefers to stay home on weekends
- Talks about avoiding certain areas of the school
- Carries protection devices (knife, box opener, fork, gun)
- Frequently asks for extra money, saying it is for lunch or school supplies
- Possessions (books, money, clothing) are often “lost,” damaged, or destroyed without an explanation
- Sudden change in behavior (bed-wetting, nail-biting, tics)
- Cries easily or often, becomes emotionally distraught and has extreme mood swings
- Blames self for problems or difficulties; feels defective and inadequate.
- Talks about being made fun of, laughed at, picked on, teased,
put down, pushed around, threatened, kicked, hit, called names, or
students telling lies about them, gossiping about them, or excluding
them from a group, and other bullying behaviors
- Talks about not being able to stand up for himself or herself
- Expresses lack of self value and self confidence
- Talks about dropping out of school
- Expresses lack of trust in and respect for school personnel
- Suddenly starts bullying other students, siblings, or children in the neighborhood
- Becomes overly aggressive, rebellious, and unreasonable
- Sudden loss of respect for authority figures
- Seeks the wrong friends in the wrong places
- Talks about joining or forming a cult
- Sudden interest in violent movies, video games, and books
- Talks about running away
- Talks about feeling depressed
- Talks about or attempts suicide
- Self harms (cutting, no eating, overeating)
- Drastic change in appearance
What are the Warning Signs that a Child Might Bully Someone?
- Enjoys feeling powerful and in control (Olweus, 1993)
- Seeks to dominate or manipulate others (Olweus, 1993)
- May be popular with other students, who envy his or her power
- Is physically larger or makes himself or herself seem larger
than his or her peers; exhibits physical or psychological power, or both
- Is impulsive (Olweus, 1993)
- Exhibits low tolerance of frustration (Olweus, 1993)
- Loves to win at everything; hates to lose at anything and is a poor winner; can be Boastful
- Seems to derive satisfaction or pleasure from others’ fear, discomfort, or pain
- Seems overly concerned with others “disrespecting” him or her; equates respect with fear
- Expects to be “misunderstood,” “disrespected,” and picked on; attacks before he or she can be attacked
- Interprets ambiguous or innocent acts as purposeful and hostile;
uses these as excuses to strike out at others verbally or physically
- Seems to have little or no empathy or compassion for others (Olweus, 1993)
- Seems unable or unwilling to see things from another person’s perspective
- Seems willing to use and abuse other people to get what he or she wants
- Defends his or her negative actions by insisting that others
“deserve it,” “asked for it,” or “provoked it”; often describes a
conflict as someone else’s “fault”
- Is good at hiding negative behaviors or doing them where adults cannot see them
- Gets excited when conflicts arise between others
- Is more likely to get into trouble, smoke, drink, and fight (Nansel et al., 2001; Ericson, 2001)
- Stays cool during conflicts in which he or she is directly involved
- Exhibits little or no emotion when talking about his or her part in a conflict
- Blames other people for his or her problems
- Refuses to accept responsibility for his or her negative behaviors
- Shows little or no remorse for his or her negative behaviors
- Lies in an attempt to stay out of trouble
- “Tests” authority by committing minor infractions, then waits to see what will happen
- Disregards or breaks school or class rules
- Is generally defiant or oppositional toward adults
- Seeks, even craves, attention; seems just as satisfied with negative attention as positive attention
- Attracts more than the usual amount of negative attention from
others and is therefore disciplined more often than most other students
- Tends to be confident, with high self-esteem (Nansel et al., 2001)
- Seems mainly concerned with his or her own pleasure and well-being
- Seems antisocial or lacks social skills
- Has difficulty fitting into groups; may experience loneliness (Ericson, 2001)
- Has a close network of friends (actually “henchmen” or “lieutenants”) who
follow along with whatever he or she wants to do
- Has average or above-average performance in school (Olweus,
1993); however, some studies say they may do poorly (Schwartz, 2006;
Ericson, 2001)
- May have problems at school or at home
- Lacks coping skills
- Average in anxiety and uncertainty
- May be a victim of bullying
